The Great Seduction
by FanfictionWriter83729
Summary: Drabble. G1 crack. Complete and utter crack. Behold the Decepticons’ plot to establish unwitting human informants inside the Autobot base. Rated for unintentional innuendo.


**Disclaimer: **do not own Transformers.

**Summary: **Drabble. G1 crack. Complete and utter crack. Behold the Decepticons' plot to establish unwitting human informants inside the Autobot base. Rated for unintentional innuendo.

**Rating: **T. Unintentional double entendres. The Decepticons say things with complete and honest…er…innocence, for a lack of better term.

**Author note: **I've hit my angst quotient. Now my bunnies are asking for crack to balance out. Le sigh. This bunny _might_ be continued, but consider it complete for now until all the other in-progress fics are done.

I just can't win.

Is Epona Harper (a.k.a. drharper)'s bunny. Thanks Epona!

Hope y'all enjoy!

* * *

The Great Seduction

"The Autobots have been growing some processor chips," Megatron told his troops one day. "Our usual methods of extracting their information and concealing are own have not been working. The most efficient method is to establish informants _inside _the Autobot base!"

"Oh, yes, great leader," Starscream sneered, arms crossed and rolling his optics. "We'll just repaint Skywarp and toss him in the Ark."

"Hey!" Skywarp protested.

As always, Megatron ignored his snarky second-in-command. "The answer has been parading in front of us! We shall use their human pets as spies!"

"What?"

"But how?"

"We've tried that countless times…"

The Decepticon leader sneered down at his unimaginative troops. "Coercion would be found out too soon. Humans are blatantly obvious when they are placed under duress. They are too obsessed with the Autobots for bribery to work. Brainwashing would be found all too quickly."

"So how are we supposed to get the squishies to spy for us?" Thundercracker demanded.

Megatron smirked. "We shall go under cover with the use of brilliantly disguised holoforms, and seduce the humans! Yes, by manipulating their emotions, their minds and their bodies will be ours!"

There were gasps from all around, with the realization that…that this plan was _brilliant_. Tricking the humans into _giving _them the information…the Autobots would never suspect a thing!

"The humans are weak and simple-minded," Megatron continued. "They shall be easily persuaded. Soundwave has been doing some research," Megatron said, giving an approving nod to his communications officer. "He has found that humans cannot hold any secrets in bed."

His words were met with a confused silence.

"What, exactly, does that mean, oh great leader?" Starscream sneered.

"It means," Megatron answered, scowling at Starscream and addressing all his other minions, "that the comfort of a primitive reclining device is enough to drop the humans' guard!"

There were murmurs of understanding around the room.

"Thundercracker and Skywarp will begin with the two sub-adult humans," Megatron declared.

"We have to _what?_" Thundercracker said, jaw slack.

"Ooh, sounds like fun," Skywarp said.

"Why them?" Starscream said.

"Would you rather try, Starscream?" Megatron asked, almost sweetly.

Soundwave, however, interpreted the question on a different level. He answered Starscream with: "Sub-adult humans: age of curiosity in relationships. Reaction to potential mates: quickest. Parenting book states: 'Teenagers think down there and not up here.'"

"What does that even mean?" Thundercracker grumbled.

"Teenagers: In possession of simplistic levels of thinking," Soundwave explained. "Source states: 'Doing it like rabbits.'"

"And what does _that _mean?"

"Significance of analogy: sub-adults are friendly. Sub-adult status: open to new relationships. Willingness to accept affection: high. Infiltration: most executable. Targets: easy."

"Meanwhile," Megatron continued. "The Constructicons will build the softest, most luxurious bed on the face of this planet. After you finish securing the humans, you will bring them to this bed. We will place them on the bed, and they will proceed to tell us all the Autobots' secrets! And we shall regularly bed them, and they will continue to leak information to us. The Autobots will never suspect a thing!"

With that, he dismissed his minions. Thundercracker and Skywarp went with Soundwave to do some more research to prepare them for human relationship rituals.

"Somehow, _Lord Megatron," _Starscream spat as he and the Decepticon leader exited the room, "I highly doubt that this will go according to plan."

"Your lack of faith is disturbing, Starscream," Megatron snapped, smacking his second-in-command upside the head. "The mating rituals of humans are simple and primitive. Thundercracker and Skywarp will have secured their affections within a few days."

And thus Operation Get Humans In Bed began.


End file.
